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Friday, August 6, 2010

MY thoughts on a new school year.

I've always had a mixed feeling of horror and guilt when other moms talk about how sad/anxious they are about sending the kids off to school again.  Horror because I tend to think they're a little crazy.  Guilt that I don't feel the same way about holding on to my kids a little longer.  That I actually look forward to sending them to school- does that mean I don't love my kids as much?  Am I selfish because I enjoy having fewer kids around for a couple hours during the week?  Today I realized my reasons for loving a new school year are not all selfish.

It's been especially difficult this year after homeschooling Eden.  I am looking that much more forward to 'getting a break'.  (I know Eden is too.)  But, at the same time, I have a hard time not feeling like some kind of failure for not wanting to keep homeschooling this year.  At this point, though, I feel like not being 'The Teacher' will help me be 'The Mom' to all three kids better.

I'm excited for the school year, and not just because of the quiet and order that will be enjoyed by me for a couple hours every day. Our kids are here to learn and grow, just like us. They will be adults far longer than they will be children. I'm excited to see them grow into who they are meant to be. There's some sad and ugly along the way, but its necessary for their growth (and ours). I know our kids are here at this time because they are VALIANT spirits.  I pray to be able to be the best mother possible for them, to know how to lead them and guide them.  That they can handle the sad and ugly that sometimes seems overwhelming in the world today.  But, I am really so excited to see them grow into their potential.

And I know despite the sad and ugly, there's still A LOT of happy and beautiful in the world  we're sending them out into. I'm excited to see the part they play in all the good and wonderful that is still to come.

3 comments:

Tera

Great post! And you are a great mom! I admire your postitive attitude. I can definitely relate to having less kids at home, but I usually realize how much my big girls do around the house when they aren't there anymore, and then I have to do it! LOL! Can't wait to see you guys next week. we are counting down!

Lissa

You are not alone! I too, really really really LOVE sending my girls off to school! And not cause I don't enjoy having them around. But when they're gone most of the day for most of the week, it seems like we appreciate each other more and fight a whole lot less.

Mandi

Lani-

I REALLY needed to read your blog today!

I am serious! I am going to go back and read your post about the mothers of Helaman's warriors again. It is just what I needed to hear. I have been telling myself the same sorts of things for a long time, but you say it so much better than I ever could! I may need to put your words on my blog- would you care?

Thank you for being such a great example and being so willing to put your feelings out here for us to read-

Thanks for giving me a push in the right direction this afternoon!